i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
A bitchslap is in order.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
