I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
