Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
