i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
