can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
