I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
