I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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