Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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