we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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