I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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