I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
