I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
