awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
