shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
