# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
