If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
