either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
