you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
