i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
