my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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