I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
