Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
