somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
