i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
