I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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