so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
