woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
