At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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