We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
