I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
