You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
