Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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