No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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