we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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