I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
