Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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