bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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