She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im holly from the hills drunk
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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