I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How external is "for external use only"?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
