But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
