Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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