i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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