My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
