saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
