All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
