she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
