He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
