Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
