Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Are we still banned from the library?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
