i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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