I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
