i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
