Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
